Monday, November 29, 2010

Holidays are here again.

Well here I am trying to think of something I'd like to share on this newly created blog.

 By nature I'm a private person and not inclined to open up and share my personal thoughts with many people. I've had to many people in the past use information I've shared with them about myself as a weapon against me later.

 So why the hell am I blogging you ask? Who the fuck knows for sure, I don'

 I suppose its because I'm not really talking to anybody personally doing it this way and it's a way to put down my personal thoughts to reflect upon later.

 Anyway I titled this entry Holidays are here again. So I guess I'll talk about Holidays.

 I get bummed out this time of the year. It just reminds me of the fact that my Grandparent's are gone and aren't coming back. I use to love the holidays, it was a time for everyone to get together and see each other and share story's, take pictures and have a great time.

 After my Grandparents passed the family kind of spread to the wind, my mom and her brother stopped having anything to do with each other and my cousins do shit with their dad, me and my brother with our mom.

 I have step siblings, but we aren't really close, so the family gatherings went from something I really looked foward to, to something I loathed.

 Now I have a Love, Hate relationship with the Holidays. I love stuffing my face with Turkey and sides on Thanksgiving and I love getting presents on Christmas, but I absolutely hate traveling to my family's to do the function.

 I live about an hour and a half from the function location so that means 3 fucking hours on the road every time we go over there. If I were on my bike that would be a short day trip and no big deal, but since we hold these functions in the cold weather months and usually have more shit to take than will fit on the bikes we take the cage.

 I guess it's a small price to pay for having my privacy though. I sure as fuck don't want my family all up in my shit at my house. How fucked up is that, a little, not at all, a lot? I guess its a matter of your point of view.

 Considering I didn't speak to any of my family for almost 10 years straight (directly after my Grandmother passed) I suppose its a small miracle I even bother with the family functions anymore.

 Hell I got tried of being angry with them and figured out it wasn't hurting anybody but me, so I put my anger aside and extended the olive branch, it was accepted and now we've been doing the family functions again now for the past few years.

 I have my G/F Amy to thank for my eyes being opened and putting down that bag of bricks named hate, her mom was alive when I met her 9 years ago and since she passed about 5 years ago Amy doesn't have any close family at all to speak of.

 Here I am with 2 family's and I wasn't doing shit with either of them, it made me feel like an asshole.

 She told me she'd do whatever I wanted and be cool with it, stay home or go visit. The first few years of us being together we did things with her Mom and I just called my family to say hello.

 But after her mom passed we had a void in our life on the Holidays. Humans are social animals whether we want to admit it or not.

 I made my peace with my family and now than Thanksgiving's over with I just have to endure Christmas and the travel over

 If you come from a broken family maybe you can relate, if not, consider yourself lucky and don't take your Mom and Day for granted.

 If you're pissed at them get over it. They're the only parents you'll ever have and once they're gone they won't be coming back. You won't get the chance to make amends and have another chance to make some good memories.

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